Not Going Anywhere
by Steffi's.Fiction
Summary: Logan is insecure after having so many people think he'd be kicked out of the band. Light Kogan One-shot based off of Big Time Bad Boy. T because I'm paranoid.


**Self conscious**** Logan drabble with a light dose of Kogan. Lovely~**

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After a long day, we boys of Big Time Rush sit on the orange couch in 2J, enjoying the small amount of time we have to relax. We are watching Wally Dooley's new show, laughing at the stupid lyrics and costumes. However, we all are letting out an internal breath knowing how close we were to losing Kendall to the dancing goof on the television.

Yet as we all sit happily on the couch, the thought of losing Kendall isn't the saddening thought that plagues my mind. It's the fact that it could've just as easily been, and should have been, me that was kicked out of the band.

"_Focus! One of us is going to get kicked out of the band." Carlos had said to me. Without warning, James piped up on this subject._

"_My money's on Logan."_

It hurts knowing that my own band mate, someone who I consider one of my best friends and have since we were little, thinks that if it came down to it, I would be the one booted from the band. I'm laughing along with my friends now though, hoping they don't notice how distressed I am at the thought of having someone kick me out.

_We were all yelling at Gustavo, upset over Wayne Wayne's antics._

"_He wants to kick Kendall out of the band!" James exclaimed._

"_Really?" Gustavo butt in suddenly. "I would have bet on Logan."_

I know that Gustavo doesn't like me. I don't really think he likes any of us. Maybe Kendall a little bit, though he'd never admit that. I didn't know that he disliked me enough to think I didn't belong in the band. I thought back to my first day in Los Angeles when Gustavo had just yelled at me, saying that I couldn't sing or dance. I had cringed and accepted it, knowing it was true. Even now, after having spent several months here, I am still convinced that I am the worst singer and dancer of the group. No, I _am_ the worst sing and dancer. All I have going for me is that I can backflip. Oh, and according to Kelly, my cute smile. Though I'm starting to think that much isn't even true.

_James, Carlos and I were faking worry about Kendall's whereabouts as we stood in the studio with Wayne Wayne. We knew exactly where Kendall was, but we needed to act oblivious. Kelly and Griffin were talking about something, though the sound connecting our rooms was off so I didn't know what. Probably something about Kendall being AWOL. Griffin leans forward to say something to us in the microphone._

"_My money was on Logan."_

Not even Griffin has faith in me. Griffin doesn't even know me! He has never gone any farther than listening to me sing or watching me dance. Never once has he spoken directly to me before, other than when he was telling me that he thought I would be the one kicked from the band. And that stung. It still does. I feel betrayed. Betrayed by Griffin, by Gustavo, by my own friends. Even sitting in front of Wally Dooley and his band of geeks singing about bananas, I'm finding it hard not to grimace. I feel tears prick in my eyes, which I immediately fight away.

I excuse myself and hop up, walking stiffly towards Kendall and I's shared bedroom. I don't really want them to see how upset I am, because I'm not entirely sure I could tell them without seeming really girly and weak, plus I know for a fact I'll start crying. And Logan Mitchell is not girly or weak, and he certainly doesn't cry.

Not in front of his friends, anyway.

I find something more comfortable to wear, my pyjamas to be exact, before curling up under the blankets of my bed. For whatever reason, I can't get comfy enough to sleep, no matter what I do. My pillow is lumpy, my blankets are too warm, but I'm too cold without it, my bed feels like it's made of rocks, and it's too bright in the room even though there's no light source whatsoever. Plus, on top of it all, I still can't get the various echoes of _Logan isn't good enough_ out of my head.

Suddenly, the tears that I've been fighting spring back into my eyes, and I let them fall now since there's nobody to witness it. I'm being quiet about it, just letting them stream down my face with the occasional sniff or cough.

I hear the door open at some point. Light streams in, flooding the room, before it closes again softly and the light disappears. I know it is Kendall, because nobody else would be coming in our room this late at night. I try to keep myself quieter, actually managing to stop the tears. I'm desperately hoping that maybe Kendall will think I'm sleeping. I'm glad that I'm facing away from his bed, so he won't see my red puffy eyes or tear-stained cheeks.

There's some shuffling as he changes out of his bad boy clothing and gets into his own pyjamas. It goes quiet for a moment, then I feel the weight shift on my bed. A light hand touches my shoulder.

"Logan?" Kendall whispers softly. I swallow my tears quietly in a last-second attempt to hide them before answering.

"Yes?" My voice cracks, and I know I haven't fooled him.

"Logan, tell me what's wrong. You looked really hurt when you left earlier." He says, his voice still quiet for the sake of the sleeping people in the house.

"Nothing is wrong, Kendall. I'm fine." I answer, the thickness in my voice still obvious.

"Don't lie to me. You're horrible at it." I feel my control breaking as another tear makes its way down my face, which had started to dry. I still face away from him when I speak again.

"Would you let me leave?" I ask. My voice is getting less intelligible as the tears flow more consistently down my face again "If I got kicked out of the band, would you let it happen?"

Without warning, I'm not in my bed anymore, but in Kendall's lap. And that's all it takes for my to start crying against his chest. I can't help but think about how Kendall was almost kicked out of the band too, probably closer than even I was, and yet it's him who's comforting me.

"Shh, Logie, shh. It's okay." He continues to tell me as I sit there in his lap, crying like a six year old. "Logie, I would never let anyone kick you out of the band. I'd rather leave it myself than let you leave it."

"I-I'm s-sorry." I stutter, finding it difficult to form words through my sobs. "I-It's just that e-everyone said t-they thought I w-would be the o-one k-kicked out. G-Griffin, G-Gustavo, even J-James." He rubs my back as I talk, my head resting in the crook of his neck and my hands fisting in his shirt like he's a lifeline. "I k-know that W-wayne Wayne wanted y-you gone, b-but that was b-because you're s-s-so good a-and he was j-jealous. They all t-thought I would b-be the one out b-because I s-suck at e-everything." Kendall's body tenses around me.

"Hortense Henry Mitchell." He practically growls out my name. I flinch a little when he uses my real name instead of Logan, because that always means I've done something serious. "Don't you ever say things like that. You do not suck at everything. You can sing, you can dance, you're the smartest person I know, and you can backflip, which I can't even do. You're amazing, and nothing you see or hear should convince you otherwise." He says to me. I'm slowly starting to calm down after hearing Kendall's words. He sounds serious, but I'm still struggling to believe him.

"How come everyone wanted me gone, then?" I counter. He thinks for a minute, and I'm certain I have him beat when he speaks again.

"Griffin thinks that you'll leave the band to become a doctor which would lose money for him, you're the thinnest of the four of us so Gustavo has to hate you the most since he's fat, and James is jealous because he secretly knows that you're more attractive than he is." Kendall decides. His conclusions make me smile.

"I'm not so sure about the last one." I say, though I'm still smiling about it. Suddenly, I'm flipped onto my back, my hands pinned next to the sides of my face and Kendall's legs are straddling me around my waist. I gasp and look up into his green eyes, my shock clear in my expression. His signature smirk is plastered across his face. I'm unsure of what to do, so I stay still and look up at him expectantly.

"I am." He says, his breath ghosting across my face, making me shiver. I struggle to understand what he means by his statement, but by the time I do, he's gone. "Goodnight Logie." He says confidently before lifting his covers and slipping into his bed. Soft snores can be heard after a moment.

I let a smile creep back onto my face at the turn of events. As I close my eyes and fall asleep, I do so feeling much more important and needed. Sure, I wasn't expecting Kendall to pounce on me like that, but for whatever reason, I don't really care. In fact, I'm not sure I ever will. I am too excited over the fact that someone needs me, and I'm glad that person is Kendall.

And I'll admit it; I'm ecstatic that Kendall thinks I am more attractive than James.

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**That was fun to write. xD Hope you enjoyed it~**


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